As Women in the military, we are aware that we are in a male dominated field. Sometimes we second guess ourselves. We doubt that we can be the agent of change in our society. It is my belief that in order for us to grow, survive and thrive we will all need each other. I believe that we need to build each other up and hold each other accountable. Just like a 3-strand cord, true sisterhood is not easily broken. However, you must embrace the steps in getting there. To strengthen that bond, we need to know what is holding us back from moving forward. Knowing what our barriers are is the first step in the process to building Sisterhood. Let’s discuss those barriers.
Barrier #1: The Trust Factor
When it comes to building the foundation of trust, having the right ingredients for the mix is essential. Honesty, integrity, and transparent communication is key. However, it can be very hard to trust another Woman. I get it, based on past experiences, you may want to shy away from every Woman you come across in your unit. Issues like insecure/judgmental bias, toxic leadership and lack of cultural acceptance can leave a sour taste in your mouth and have you running back to your recruiter to cuss him out (LOL). I’ve had my share of bad Female Leadership over the years. It was very disappointing as a 19-year-old Soldier with less than 2 years in the Army to see a group of Female Soldiers publicly attack and accuse another young Female Soldier of being sexually promiscuous when in fact that Soldier was being sexually assaulted by our Platoon Sergeant on a regular basis. During that time there was no SHARP, there was no EO, there was no protection. It was a he-said/she-said battle in which the most popular Soldier of the unit wins. I was so disgusted by the lack of integrity and ethical support for that Soldier that I immediately planned my exit out of that unit once I hit my ETS date. It took me a few years before I could find any Women that I felt safe to trust.
Barrier #2: Lack of Female Support
One of the best things to have in your military career is a Female mentor. They can walk with you thru the good, bad and ugly part of your journey. However, it can be hard to find Women who are willing to be there to support you. Some of the things I’ve seen my Sisters do is become too “Hooah” or have professional tunnel vision. They can view you as competition and will negatively judge you before getting to know you. Here are a few examples of this type of behavior I’ve seen over the years:
- A Female Leader not being supportive of a single Mother who is having issues dealing with her family care plan to help with her military duties.
- No support for a Woman who is struggling to meet the height and weight standards after dealing with multiple pregnancies or overcoming a medical illness/injury.
- Getting victimized when a Sister reports a rape or make a sexual harassment complaint on a comrade in her Command.
- An African-American Female being scrutinized when she changes the style of her hair, even though she is within regulatory standards.
Barrier #3: Pride
The third barrier that hinders us in strengthening our bond of Sisterhood is pride. Pride can cripple your military career when you get a distorted view of who is or isn’t in your corner. Examples of this can be: being easily offended when corrected, getting upset when things aren’t going your way and being quick to give up and leave a situation if it doesn’t look like it’s going in your favor. Pride can hurt your chances of success if you don’t recognize it in time. I’ve had a couple of humbling experiences where my pride got me in trouble. I can recall one instance where I got upset that I was being passed over to attend training sessions that my team (all males) were attending. I felt that I wasn’t being valued and when I voiced my concern I was told that I was being “too emotional” and that I needed to wait. So of course I caught the “F@*k it” attitude and mentally checked out. Fortunately, I had a good mentor who checked me and encouraged me not to give up.
Barrier #4: Fear
Lastly, we come to our final barrier to strengthening the bond of Sisterhood in the Military: Fear. The opposite of self-confidence, fear is a deterrent that can slow down or delay your relationship with other Servicewomen. Fear can create a barrier in where tools like self-doubt, uncertainty and insecurity will halt you from taking the necessary steps needed to build that foundation of love and friendship with your other Sisters. Instead of unity and cohesion, your fear will have you see your Sister as a threat or a troublemaker. An example of this is not willing to be open and transparent, feeling that you do not fit into their idea of what a Military Woman should look like. This fear clouds your judgement and pushes you away from everyone. To be honest, this is a barrier that I struggle with a lot. I’ve questioned myself many times on whether or not I’m even making an impact with those around me. If my words or actions is helping that young Female Soldier see that there are strong, Female Leaders who will support them in every aspect of their military career. Nevertheless, I’ve taken steps to push thru my fear. I don’t want to be the one that stands in my way of being a positive force for others. I don’t want to be the one that hinders any of my Sisters from completing her journey.
So now that we know what barriers can stop us from building a strong community, we will now explore what steps are needed to effectively overcome those barriers In Part 2 of “Girl, I Got Your Back”. As we continue to strengthen the bonds of Sisterhood in the Military, I would like to invite you to spend a weekend building and bonding with other Sisters at my Military Diva Spa Retreat. Join us at: date pending COVID-19 restrictions.
